Author: Savvy Self Blogger Coping with Infertility and… You’re Not Helping. I know most people mean well, but some of the things that have been said to me over the years regarding my lack of baby-making has been enough to warrant violence. If you’re reading this, then perhaps you know the struggle, too. You may have been subject to some of the items in the following list. Or, maybe you have said something along those lines and didn’t realize the depth of destruction it may have caused. In either case, I hope thisblog can help you. Did you really just say that? “Just relax and it will happen.”No. Relaxing doesn’t make “it” happen. I can’t relax my ovaries into ovulation. I can’t relax my hormone disorder into making “it” happen. Nothing about telling me to relax is going to help me relax. “You’re thinking too much.” You’re damn right I am. I’m thinking about Aunt Flo, if she decides to visit at all (Read all about “Aunt Flo’s Visit“). Then after that, I’m thinking about fertility drugs, basal body temperature, ovulation predictor kits, checking my cervix and cervical mucus, feeling for any twitch and twinge to indicate a possible impending ovulation. Then I’m thinking about timing sex, and that by itself is a huge drain. Scheduled sex sucks. I bet you weren’t thinking at all when you accused me of “thinking too much”. “He takes one look at me and I’m pregnant.” Just wow. You are one amazing baby-making machine. Where did your husband get his sperm eyes because I need to order a pair for my husband. Oh, and not to mention your amazingly advanced ovaries for getting so locked in that impregnating gaze that the need for sperm was just not necessary. Thank you for sharing your amazing super power with me. I needed one more reason to feel inadequate. “There’s a reason for everything.” I get that. There’s a reason my womb is empty with no ounce of a possibility in sight. Maybe that reason is I was born with a hormonal disorder that affects about 5 percent of women, causes weight-gain, hair-growth, skin tags, and…oh yea, infertility. Pretty solid reason I think. Is there a reason you had to point out my reason for being childless? “Have you tried standing on your head?” Yes, because what you didn’t know about me is I regularly practice acrobatics while in the throws of love-making. Matter-of-fact, it’s a great position to get an upside-down read on how amazingly painful it is to hear you say that. After sex, I make sure to stay on my head because I enjoy the blood rush. I’m sure you think headstands help sperm travel due to gravity, etc etc. So, no one ever got pregnant in the female dominant position? “It will happen when the time is right.” By that logic, my time is wrong. What clock are you using? “Maybe there’s something God is waiting on you to do.” This one burns me up. Well, let’s see. What did the mother down the street that abuses, neglects, and eventually abandons her children do that warranted God’s graceful hand of motherhood approval? I must be a terrible, awful person to be denied month after month. “Here, take mine.” Ouch. Poor kids. “Be glad you don’t have kids. At least you can still go out.” Crickets. Again. Ouch. “Why don’t you just adopt?” Oh, I don’t know. We thought we’d try our hand at this whole “trying naturally” thing. You know…the same method you tried that seemed to work for you. Perhaps we wanted to try to make a person genetically in common with us. Maybe we wanted to give that a try. I don’t know. Silly notion, I guess. I’ve come a long way with how I deal with infertility, but this list just had to be said. If you have been on the receiving end of this list, just know that not everyone knows what you’re dealing with. Don’t take it personally. This list was not to showcase my bitterness. I’ve let go of a lot of that over the years and that’s the sole reason I’m able to talk about it now. This list was created to help and inform. If you have said these things to people in the past, I hope this helps you understand how some statements and/or questions can be toxic. Keep your eyes peeled for more Infertility and “How-to” blogs coming soon! Author: Savvy self blogger To read more posts, and explore Savvy self blogger's page, click below.
1 Comment
11/1/2015 04:32:07 am
It has been such an honor. Thank you for getting this message out there. I know there are others dealing with these hurtful words and they are not alone!
Reply
Leave a Reply. |
ArchivesCategories |